Welcome to Author Simon Wilson
If you could travel in a Time Machine would you go back to the past or into the future?
Back to my school days. Life was so disciplined at preparatory school and if I could return with the knowledge that I have now, I could have the greatest time ever.
Books, Sun tan lotion, Occasional shipwrecks to stock up on luxuries
A Clockwork Orange – Anthony Burgess
It would have to be the matron from my preparatory school. She was one mean person and I’d love to know what made her that way. I guess she’s sharing pies with Hitler and sneering at me as I write this.
Full English breakfast. Accept no healthy substitutes!
Night owl. I can’t go to bed until my wife says I have to.
There’s just too many. Okay, just one. It has to be beetroot. Since I was made to eat it at boarding school I’ve never been able to touch it since. It’s psychological now and would take years of therapy to resolve.
Pretentious people. Who do they think they are?
It’s worryingly true, and fascinating all in one.
A sequel documenting the four years following my first year memoir.
To share my exploits with others, and to hopefully entertain them at the same time.
Just knowing that I put something out there and people are actually reading it.
Tubthumping by Chumbawamba
Don’t give up your day job just yet.
The seventies man. You don’t appreciate the peace movement until you’re too old to enjoy it. Where’s that damn time machine?
A lion tamer. I ended up with a ferocious wife, which is the next best thing but I can’t get my head in her mouth because she just won’t let me.
It’s the only job I’ve ever really enjoyed. If only it paid a salary!
I used to get these sticks of candy from the tuck shop at school. It must have been around 1978 or 79. I think they were called ‘Bendy Pencils’ and were made by a company called Dunhill. I have never seen them since but I’ll never forget them.
I had a one star review on Amazon for a Kindle copy of my book that stated: ‘I ordered this three weeks ago and it still hasn’t arrived. I expect DHL have lost it. Do not buy.’ Thankfully Amazon took it down or it wouldn’t have been funny.
My wife and son anything they wanted.
Finally he gets it.
Summer. It’s a no brainer, right?
I think that it’s a calling that doesn’t require inspiration. One day you start writing/typing stuff down for no particular reason and after that you can’t stop. Help me somebody!
With incredulous relief.
What Doesn’t Kill You by Simon Wilson
I was sent away. I was scared. I was eight years old.
‘What Doesn’t Kill You’ is a sometimes sad, sometimes horrific and sometimes humorous account of my first year at boarding school beginning in September 1971.
In the days before the abolishment of corporal punishment, this expensive school found many opportunities to wield slippers, canes, plimsolls or just hard flat hands for the slightest of reasons. By today’s standards it would be called barbaric. Did we suffer? – Yes we did. Did we behave? – Mostly. Did we learn? – You bet we did!
This was a strict regime where if you didn’t have friends, your life was a living hell; where telling tales would get your lights punched out; where talking after lights out resulted in six of the best on your bare behind with a hard-soled slipper; where talking back to teachers meant you couldn’t sit down for hours. This was my home.
The food was bad. Bullying was rife. Beatings were the norm.
Welcome to boarding school!